I considered myself a tough girl and I am sure that my ability to cope with stress as result of having the incident occurred last year has gone to another next level. I was grow up in this way, the experiences told me to act so tough. However, every single of us has a soft spot regardless how tough you are. I have to admit that I am not actually very tough when it comes to falling in love.
Being honest about feelings could be pretty hard for a tough girl like me, because to let a person knows about exactly how I feel about them makes me feel vulnerable. It terrifies me the most when the person I care about stands in front of me, knowing how much I care about them. I feel naked. This probably my least favourite feeling in the world. For the longest period in my life, I had been thinking hiding my feelings could be an effective way to protect myself. That's why I rather play it cool and distance myself to ensure that I wouldn't fall in love again. It takes me lesser efforts in one way.
However I'm proud to say at some points in my life I was good at conveying my love towards. I knew that I might be regret reaching out to you the next day, but I also understand that my regrets will not be there for long, it shall pass one day. There are times I held the belief that I have to and I want to show up for them that I care. I want to connect to them as much as I possibly could before it's too late. I appreciate the very heart within their chest and I told them that they are my favourite. After all, I just want to be good to them.
I was. Yea, your eyes don't lie. After all the hurts and heartache moments, I finally learnt that I was correct at the first place. Opening up to the others only allow them to attack you at your weakness without a miss. And thanks to my selfishness, egotistical, and arrogant; now I just got fed up with this constant realisation. I have lost count on how many guys I've stopped talking to just because they did one trivial thing that I can't take. I'm sorry but tough girl can't settle for less, not even a little. That's why I decided to pull off before thing goes worse. (Not surprisingly), I had picked myself up and glad to say that I was backed in one piece in no time. Tough girl walked away without letting you know she cried herself all days and nights.
It takes freaking lots of effort to be tough and stay tough. I used to think that I am capable of more than this but I guess I had overestimated myself in regards to this matter. If I could not choose you every single day, I shall let you go. I find no fault in you, honestly. I don't blame you for this but only myself to allow this to happen. Just one thing that I am afraid. I am fear of that if it is not you then no one will be able to wrangle me into feeling this way again.
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