I stopped looking forward and I've never felt easier. I thought it was a relief for me when I realised that I should stop what I was doing because I might be doing it wrong after a long time. I wanted to be honest towards my own feelings, but in order for me to do that I first need to figure out how does my heart feel.
So I started listing out all the possible causes and doubting, shall I consider it as an imprint that makes significant impact in my life or just a temporary feeling that I probably can't even recall how does it feels like the next morning. I wanted to throw tons of issues to myself just to find an answer then I realise I don't even know how to structure the appropriate questions which could possibly lead to the correct path nevertheless I am aware of the fact that I have to work hard and sort things out before it goes even worse ...
I went for the wrong kinds of people, I settled for people that are not up to the standards knowingly the fact that I can get better ones. I addicted to the feeling of love when I get the slightest idea of feeling it. I was guilty of this, I was drunk on the idea of loving someone because I want to feel love. The university feeling that felt by every living being on this earth. We all have an innate quality of giving and feeling love.
Our live will always revolve around love, regardless we aware of it or not. And ironically most of the time, we always tend to only acknowledge the love from the wrong ones. Especially when we meet someone and feel the chemistry between, we have it in our heads that it could be love. We make stupid mistake in believing that just because they had our bodies for a night, we get their hearts in return.
I regret not being completely honest with myself about the thoughts that were bothering me in my mind. I regret that I once swallowed my feelings, I did that for you despite I wasn’t the type who would suppress my emotions. I was chasing after perfection, but love isn't like that. Love is supposed to be about finding a person whose connect with your mind and heart in any way, the earnest way, the joking or halfhearted manner, even the flawed form.
I met you during the time when there were a lot of doubts and fears and paranoias haunting me inside my brain. You shared so much of yourself to me and... and I apologise for not even trying. You let me be who am I even though I am flawed and difficult. You love that version of mine and never try to change me into your ideal love. And for now, I promise you I will try harder to be better because I do not want to feel regret for not fighting for a relationship that could potentially last a lifetime.
So I started listing out all the possible causes and doubting, shall I consider it as an imprint that makes significant impact in my life or just a temporary feeling that I probably can't even recall how does it feels like the next morning. I wanted to throw tons of issues to myself just to find an answer then I realise I don't even know how to structure the appropriate questions which could possibly lead to the correct path nevertheless I am aware of the fact that I have to work hard and sort things out before it goes even worse ...
I went for the wrong kinds of people, I settled for people that are not up to the standards knowingly the fact that I can get better ones. I addicted to the feeling of love when I get the slightest idea of feeling it. I was guilty of this, I was drunk on the idea of loving someone because I want to feel love. The university feeling that felt by every living being on this earth. We all have an innate quality of giving and feeling love.
Our live will always revolve around love, regardless we aware of it or not. And ironically most of the time, we always tend to only acknowledge the love from the wrong ones. Especially when we meet someone and feel the chemistry between, we have it in our heads that it could be love. We make stupid mistake in believing that just because they had our bodies for a night, we get their hearts in return.
I regret not being completely honest with myself about the thoughts that were bothering me in my mind. I regret that I once swallowed my feelings, I did that for you despite I wasn’t the type who would suppress my emotions. I was chasing after perfection, but love isn't like that. Love is supposed to be about finding a person whose connect with your mind and heart in any way, the earnest way, the joking or halfhearted manner, even the flawed form.
I met you during the time when there were a lot of doubts and fears and paranoias haunting me inside my brain. You shared so much of yourself to me and... and I apologise for not even trying. You let me be who am I even though I am flawed and difficult. You love that version of mine and never try to change me into your ideal love. And for now, I promise you I will try harder to be better because I do not want to feel regret for not fighting for a relationship that could potentially last a lifetime.
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